Growing Up with Guilt

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The child of wealth and addiction may opt for the easy way of feeling good about himself, depending on what his wealth can buy rather than what he can accomplish on his own.

How to Help Your Children Manage Money Guilt

He may become grandiose as a defense against darker emotions that threaten to protrude into his consciousness. The child of wealth can be caught in a painful bind between feeling the pressure of succeeding in larger than life terms, trying to reach an ever heightening bar of success and having very little expected of him or her. This tends to be the child who has a summer program rather than a summer job, who has no practical needs that drive them to work.

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Getting a job and contributing to one's life in needed and practical ways can be a real source of self esteem for any growing person. The fact is that the child of wealth does not have these needs, whatever he will earn as a young person will probably be less than he has easy access to through his parents. This means that both parents and children will need to find activities that are meaningful for other reasons.

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The freedom to choose can be both liberating and overwhelming. Busy hands are happy hands as the old saying goes. All of us need to feel that we are making a meaningful contribution to the world in which we operate. People of wealth may want others to conform to their world rather than conforming to the other person's, to dance to their tune, so to speak, which can become controlling.

The natural give and take and compromise of relationships can feel foreign to the wealthy person who is used to having things his way. This population is used to getting what they want, when they want it, whether it's good food, services or things. Personal relationships are a different story, however and the wealthy person can find themselves confused with the dynamics of intimacy.

Friends, spouses and children are not employees, they don't collect a pay check and don't like receiving a bulleted list of tasks and objectives. Though the person of wealth cannot fire blood relatives they may fire them emotionally if they become too demanding, preferring the types of relationships where they are more in control, less challenged and feel more "appreciated". This can especially be true of the person who holds the purse strings; why should they endure interpersonal demands and disappointments when the rest of the world writes them thank you notes, gives them awards and does what they're told?

Keeping Guilt in the Family: Why Parents Shouldn’t Toss out the Guilt

On the other hand, there is always what psychologist Carl Jung referred to as the "shadow" or the part of a person that is the submerged opposing aspect. The same person who feels overly entitled and impatient can have a shadow that feels small and anxious; they may feel guilty and out of balance and can yearn for someone to depend on, to "put them in their place" and feed them emotionally; the shadow side of the demanding part, where feelings of being insecure and undeserving live.

On the other end of being controlling is feeling out of control and on the other end of feeling over entitled is feeling under entitled. In personal relationships wealthy people may tolerate too much, their guilt allows other people to use them and take advantage of them. They tend to have a hard time feeling entitled to personal boundaries, they have trouble saying no and yes.

Their guilt and shame around having gotten too much too easily immobilizes them and their issues around regulation keep them from knowing what "normal" is. They dare not ask for more and they feel undeserving of more while simultaneously entitled to the superior treatment they have always had. All of these represent swings in thinking, feeling and behavior. Growing up in a world of privilege can both open doors and close them. It can make the day to day work of developing a career and a relationship seem like too much work; when it doesn't happen easily, the child of wealth may want to give up.

The Guilt Of Growing Up With An Alcoholic | HuffPost Life

America has been in a period of much wealth creation and our worshiping the millionaire seems at an all time high. But when money becomes the only yard stick of success, we open the door to all sorts of problems that surround those values. Hey there! Got a minute? Tell us what you think of HuffPost. News U. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes.

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